How to know if someone is giving you bad advice (2024)

New Delhi,UPDATED: Jun 7, 2024 09:00 IST

Don’t know how to navigate a complicated relationship? Not sure how to get a big promotion at work? Confused between two car models and which one to buy? Want to improve your investment portfolio but not sure how to do that? Such scenarios and many others often lead us to seek advice from people we trust.

It can be a close friend, a colleague, a cousin, an acquaintance, or even parents. But the advice you get from them may not be right for you. If you fail to spot bad advice, it can lead to some terrible repercussions or make a tough decision even tougher. Even though bad advice may not necessarily come from bad intentions, it can additionally hamper your relationship with that person.

We bring you expert-approved tips that’ll help you stay away from bad advice:

Firstly, be clear about what you need

The first step to ward off bad advice is to be clear about your needs. Do you want to speak to someone to look through options to solve a problem, want advice from someone as a friend, or want someone to guide/coach you through a situation? It is important to communicate your problem and expectations with utmost clarity to the advice-giver.

Be open to narrate the entire scenario and think through the questions before taking them to the advice-giver.

Listen to your body and intuition when receiving advice. If you feel you are tensing or resisting, it could either mean that the advice is not right for you, or that the advice-giver is challenging your assumptions. So, take time to check with yourself what the case is.

Know if they are even interested

The best way to know if someone is giving you bad advice is by understanding if they are engaged in the entire scenario. If they ask questions to understand your goal and where you are coming from, it is a green flag.

Bad advice givers mostly assume things and instantly start pouring in their suggestions on what they would have done in that particular situation. They do not go that extra mile to know if you have the bandwidth or resources to do what they would have done.

“You want someone who’s going to drill down into the problem with you and take the time to understand the shape of it,” David Eddie, an advice columnist, told Reader’s Digest (March 2023 India issue).

However, it would also be wrong to assume that your advice-giver is self-centred. When and where you grab someone to seek advice also matters. Ensure that there is enough space to indulge in a deep discussion. For instance, taking your questions to someone at a party might not be the best idea. Even the advice-giver would need time and space to ask proper questions.

Do they understand you?

When it comes to seeking and giving advice, the one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work. People come from different backgrounds and have different values, philosophies, and financial conditions.

When the person giving advice thinks that what is best for them would also work for you, their advice may not help you much. Moreover, it can backfire.

The red flags

Dr Sukriti Rex, lead psychologist and researcher at mental health platform Evolve, shares a list of quick red flags that can help you spot bad advice:

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• Not tailored to you: Good advice considers your unique situation. If it's generic or based on their own experience that might not apply to you, be cautious.
• Talks but doesn't listen: A good advisor asks questions to understand your situation. If they're all about giving their opinion without grasping the details, their advice might miss the mark.
• Focusses on outcome, not process: Sustainable solutions involve a thoughtful process. If the advice only talks about the end result without considering the steps to get there, it might be unrealistic.

Remember to trust yourself

Eventually, the decision is yours. “Even good advice needs to be weighed against your own research and gut feeling,” says Dr Rex. So, you have to trust yourself.

Seeking advice from someone can help you see different sides of a situation and multiple outcomes. But in the end, it is you who has to make the decision. As the common saying goes, ‘seek the advice of many, but follow your own counsel’.

So, trust your gut. While seeking advice, focus on the questions that the advice-giver asks while trying to understand the situation. Those questions may help you get the perspective you need to make a choice.

And remember to do the following things when someone approaches you for advice:

• Understand the situation: Ask questions to grasp their full picture. What have they tried? What are their goals and concerns?
• Acknowledge your limitations: If you don't have direct experience in their situation, be upfront. "I haven't dealt with this myself, but..."
• Focus on empowering them: Don't dictate. Frame your advice as suggestions or possibilities. "Have you considered...?"
• Be transparent about your own experiences: Explain if your advice is based on personal experience, but acknowledge it might not be the universal solution.